The Republican Dictionary El-Ob

The Republican Dictionary is extracted from articles written by Katrina Vanden Heuval at The Nation. Y'all need to read her Editor's Cut column.

Acc-Der Det-Jun Mod-Sma Soc-Ver

DETAIN, v. Hold in a secret place without recourse to law and treat in any manner one wishes. (Jeannine Bettis, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma)

ECONOMIC PROGRESS, n. 1. Recession; 2. Rising unemployment; 3. Minimum-wage freeze. (Terry McGarry, East Rockaway, New York)

ECONOMIC RECOVERY, n. When three out of five software engineers who lost their jobs to outsourcing are able to find part-time work at Wal-Mart. (Rob Hotman , Houston, Texas)

ELECTION FRAUD, n. Counting every vote. (Sean O'Brien, Chicago, Illinois)

FAIRER, adj. Regressive.

FAITH, n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary.

FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE, n. Christian Right Payoff. (Michael Gendelman , Fair Haven, New Jersey)

FAITH COMMUNITY, n. Evangelicals, because they are saved, and hawkish conservative Jews, because they are useful. Israel is the bait-on-the-hook just waiting for God to take that Rapturous bite.

FAMILY VALUES, n. Oppression of women. (Nancy Matsunaga, Brooklyn, New York)

FISCAL CONSERVATIVE, n. A Republican who is in the minority.

FOX NEWS, n. Faux news. (Justin Rezzonico, Keena, NH)

FOX NEWS, n. White House Press Office. (Donnalyn Murphy, San Francisco, California)

FREEDOM, n. What Arabs want but can't achieve on their own without Western military intervention. It bears a striking resemblance to chaos.

GIRLY MEN, n. Those who do not grope women. (Nick Gill, Newton, MA)

GOD, n. Senior presidential advisor. (Martin Richard, Belgrade, MT)

GROWTH, n. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. What happens to the deficits when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.

HARD WORK, n. What Republicans say when they can't think of anything better. (Brain McDowell), Durham, North Carolina)

HEALTHY FORESTS, n. No tree left behind. (Ron Russell, San Francisco, California)

HONESTY, n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences: "Freedom is on the march."

HUMBLED adj. What a Republican says right after a close election and right before he governs in an arrogant manner.

HUMBLE FOREIGN POLICY, n. The invasion of any sovereign nation whose leadership Republicans don't like.

INSURGENT, n. Armed or unarmed, violent or non-violent Iraqi on the receiving end of an American rocket blast or bullet spray, regardless of age, gender or political affiliation. (Joey Flores, Marina del Ray, California)

JOB GROWTH, n. Increased number of jobs an individual has to take after losing earlier high-paying job. (John E. Tarin, Arlington, Virginia)

JUNK SCIENCE, n. Sound science. (Geoffrey King, Austin, TX)